Im acting???

Tears filled my eyes… It blurred my vision… The world I see at a second glance is filled with dust, afterimages and heavy shadows… I made some scar today… Maybe I should have made more… Feeling the sharpness of the fragment of the glass… It is thousand times more wonderful then using the blade… Thanks to the biology test… I only remember the first sentence I said to my friend after I got my paper… “you may see jumping off the 7th floor after we were released…” Maybe I should have done it. Or else I won’t have any problem, sadness, pain or anything by now… I tried hard to act as if nothing has happened but I failed… I tried not to cry. But my stubborn tears disobeyed the orders… I am such a failure… But, at least I had a bit success in the end… Nobody knew I was emoing. Expect those who saw my tears… knew. Well… The colour of the scar looked nice… At least it is to me… Nobody wants people to know that they are sad or what… But maybe there is… But I am not that kind… I am acting with a wonderful mask… A mask that totally covers and prevents the real me from being seen and found… The real me is still trying to find out the answer for my question… But what is the question? How do I know what I am seeking for???